


Fell For The Drummer

by Larrys_battleship



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), 5SOS, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ashton Irwin/Luke Hemmings - Freeform, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, larry - Freeform, larrystylinson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 06:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2260110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larrys_battleship/pseuds/Larrys_battleship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke has been in love with Ashton Irwin ever since he first laid eyes on him the day he joined the band. But to Ashton, Luke is his band member and best friend, nothing more. Nobody knows that Luke is gay, not even Calum or Michael, and he plans on keeping it that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah... so anyways I posted this on Wattpad before but I spend more time on here so I'm just gonna post it here too...

Luke's POV  
  
  
  
"Luke c'mon! We can't do chicken wars without you!" Calum calls from the hotel pool where he, Michael and Ashton are splashing around.

"No thanks" I mutter and continue sitting in the shade under an awning. Calum pouts but turns back around and jumps on Ashton's back. I feel a stake of jealousy stab my heart as I watch Ashton carry Calum around the pool, laughing and bumping into Michael. God his laugh is adorable.

"Calum get off! I'm getting out of the pool to talk to Lukey" Ashton says and tries to pry Calum's hands from his neck. I love it when he calls me Lukey... Sure, the other boys say it too, but it's not the same as when Ash says it. Finally Calum lets go and lands in the pool with a giant splash, only to pop up right behind Michael and attack him. Ashton steps out of the pool and I try not to stare at his perfectly sculpted six pack as he walks toward me.  _Okay Luke, you can do this, just breathe and talk to him like you would talk to Michael or Calum_.

"Hey Lukey why won't you come in the pool?" Ashton asks and grabs a towel, draping it over his shoulders and *sigh* covering his abs. Damn that boy.

"Um i-it's c-cold" I stammer. Dammit Luke why do you always do that around him?!

"Oh, okay. Well at least come sit in the sun, Vitamin D is good for you." I know another D that would be good for me. I try to hold back a smirk, but fail.

"What are you smirking about?!?! You get in that sun right now!" Aw, he's so cute when he pretends to be mad.

"And what if I don't?" I give him a lazy half smile before jumping up and sprinting away as fast as I can.

"Luke Hemmings you get back here right now!" he yells while cracking up. He takes off after me as I run across the street and into Gus Bus while trying to contain my giggles that came from Ashton smiling, Ashton talking, Ashton shirtless, Ashton breathing,  _Ashton_. I consider hopping up into my bunk, but then climb the ladder up to Mikey's bunk and hide under the covers, hoping he won't think of looking there. My breath is heavy from running, so I put a hand over my mouth to try and muffle it, and the bus goes silent. Did he give up? Was I not worth running after? I wait another minute, then take my hand from my mouth and my breathing fills the silence. Ashton's probably back at the pool, riding on Calum's back and splashing around with Michael. Reluctantly, I lift a hand to pull back the curtain, but it's whisked open before my hand reaches the cloth. I gasp, hoping to god it's not some kind of murderer psychopath coming to kill me. But to my relief, I see a cute 19 year old boy with adorable dimples and even more adorable hair smiling up at me.

"Can't run, can't hide Lukey boy" he says with a smirk.

"Are you kidding I beat your sorry ass here," I say and playfully hit his shoulder. He laughs his adorable laugh again, and my heart melts a bit. If only he knew how I felt about him, if only he felt the same way. We have the bus to ourselves at the moment, maybe I could tell him now, while we're alone. Am I ready for this? What if he hates me and thinks I'm gross? What if we're not friends anymore? I haven't told any of the boys that I'm gay yet, the only people who know are my parents and my friend Audrey at home. But Ashton's definitely straight, he's gone out with at least ten girls while I've known him, and not one boy.

"Luke, you okay?" I snap back to reality and realize that I was staring at Ashton. He's sounds a bit weirded out, but also kind of worried.

"Yeah m'fine. I just zoned out for a sec, I'm good." I can't tell him, he'll hate me. It'll ruin our friendship. My phone beeps in my pocket, and I take it out to see a text.   
  
  
  
 **From: Liam Payne**  
  
  
  
 _hey luke :) the boys and i were gonna grab some lunch at this cool restaurant. you guys wanna come?_  
  
  
  
"Liam wants to know if we want to go to lunch with One Direction?" I ask Ash.

"Sure sounds great! I think Cal and Mikey won't mind, I'll ask." Ashton whips out his phone and texts Mikey, even though they're just across the street. 

Ashton types something out on his phone, and is answered with a beep a minute later.

"They say sure!"

"Great! I'll text Liam."  
  
  
  
 **To: Liam Payne**  
  
  
  
 _sounds great! send me the address, we can probably be there in half an hour_  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
  
  
  
We get there late, as usual, and see the boys have pushed together two tables near the back of the restaurant. Ashton takes a seat next to Niall, and when Michael sits next to him I feel the familiar pang of jealousy and I end up sitting next to Louis and Harry. Usually when it's a crowded place with lots of fans a person from One Direction's management makes someone sit between Louis and Harry, but this is a really small, unknown restaurant in the middle of nowhere without any paparazzi, so for once Louis and Harry get to sit together.

"Hey Luke" Harry says while playing absentmindedly with Lou's hand.

"Hey guys how's it going? I see they're letting you sit together," I say.

"Yup" Louis says with a smile and pecks Harry's lips, making Harry giggle. God how I wish I could do that to Ashton, just give him cute little kisses whenever I wanted.

"Get a room!" Niall says jokingly from across the table, but that only makes Louis kiss Harry more just to rub it in. Maybe I should talk to Louis or Harry about Ashton? I mean, Louis is gay and Harry's bi, so I'm pretty much in the same situation. Except they actually both love each other. Right now it's just me madly- no hopelessly in love with a boy who will never love me back.


	2. Chapter 2

Luke's POV  
"I WON AGAIN!!!!"   
"YOU'RE CHEATING!"  
"Prove it!"   
"You...... You just are!!!!" I hear Calum declare as I enter the dressing room.   
"Luke, Michael cheated!!!!" Calum whines and comes over to me.   
"What did he do?" I ask and sit down on the couch next to Michael, who's eating M&M's. I steal a few while Calum tries to think of an answer.   
"He just was! He's won six games in a row!!" "Just accept that I'm the best at it and nobody will ever compare!" Michael says with a smile. Calum crosses his arms and sits back down on the couch, pretending to give a death glare to Michael.   
  
"Guys!" Ash says and runs into the room. "Someone ordered us pizza!" He puts the box down on the coffee table and my heart flutters at his bright excited eyes.   
  
"Luke, you gonna have any?" Ashton says, his mouth full of pizza. I tear my eyes away from him and grab a slice before its all gone. Sure enough, a few seconds later- "What happened to it all?!?!" Calum says with a frown. We all turn to Michael, his mouth full of pizza, and he just gives us a clueless, "What?" We all sigh and I pull out my phone to tweet a picture of the now empty pizza box.   
  
 **@Luke5sos:**    
Someone bought us pizza but @Michael5sos ate it all :((((((   
  
 **@Michael5sos:  
** @Luke5sos sorry bro it was good  
  
 **@Luke5sos:  
** @Michael5sos SORRY WON'T GET ME MY PIZZA BACK  
  
 **@Ashton5sos:**  
@Luke5sos @Michael5sos I only got one piece..... And then Calum took it  :(((  
  
Even though it was just a tweet, my heart skipped a beat when I saw Ashton join the conversation. This whole crushing on Ashton thing is getting out of hand...  
  
~  
  
"Thank you Boston!! You were amazing!!" Calum yells as we walk offstage. We run into the One Direction boys just as we come off and they congratulate us.   
"Good job lads you were great!" Niall says and all the boys agree. I see Louis and Harry standing a bit farther off, and Louis is fixing Harry's blazer. He runs his hand through Harry's hair one more time and Harry leans in for a kiss. Louis smiles against Harry's lips and murmurs "You look great tonight babe" Harry pulls away and looks down into Louis's eyes before saying "Not as good as you, sweetcheeks" and pinches Louis's bum. Harry smirks and Louis laughs at the nickname. "You know I hate that nickname!" "Well you love me so you better love my nicknames for you too." Harry smiles one more time before pecking Louis's lips again.   
  
Why can't Ashton and I be like that? I sigh and walk back to the room marked "One Direction: 5sos" where Michael and Calum are playing Fifa. Again. Ashton is sitting on the couch with them, watching the game while on his phone. I sit down next to him and casually put my arm around his shoulder, looking over his shoulder to see him scrolling through his Twitter feed. To him, the touch means nothing, just a friendly action, but to me it's so much more. He doesn't know that every time he punches my shoulder playfully or accidentally brushes hands with me I shiver at his touch.   
  
~  
  
Luke's POV   
"I'm kind of in love with you... I kinda have for a while now, I just didnt tell you because I thought you would think I was.... weird or something" I confess.   
"What?!? You love me?!? That's gross!!!" Ashton starts laughing and whips out his phone to call Calum.   
"Hey guess what? Luke just said he LOVED me" Ashton says while still laughing. I can hear Calum laughing his head off on the other line. "You're a freak!" Ashton says and stops laughing. "You heard me! A FREAK!"   
  
I bolt upright in a sweat. Thank God. Just another dream. I sigh and hop out of my hotel bed. I won't be able to fall asleep again after that. I check my phone for any texts or tweets, respond to some fan tweets, then realize it's already 10:00 am. Michael's still not awake, but we dont have to do anything until lunch so I guess I'll let him sleep. My phone beeps and I look down to see a text from Harry.   
  
From: Harry Styles  
Morning Luke!! You guys still on for lunch today?  
  
To: Harry Styles   
Yep! We'll see you at 12:30!   
  
Wait. Maybe I could talk to them now?   
  
To: Harry Styles   
Hey is Louis there? I kinda need to talk to you guys.....   
  
From: Harry Styles  
Yeah sure I'll wake him up! And of course our room is 385 in the hotel across the street from yours   
  
I text a quick thanks back to him and get dressed. Just a simple outfit, black jeans and a Rolling Stones shirt paired with a beanie (my hair's horrendous today) and some Vans. I leave a quick note for Mikey so he doesn't worry about me and head over to the other hotel. 


	3. Chapter 3

Luke's POV  
I walk over to the hotel across the street, saying hi to a few of the girls outside. I enter the building and just pretend like I'm staying there so that I can go up the elevator. When I reach the third floor, I walk all the way down the hall and finally find room 385. I raise my hand and knock on the door hesitantly. Am I ready to do this? I take a deep breathe and whisper a small "yes" before the door is opened and I see Harry smiling down at me. I never realized how tall he was. Huh.   
  
"Hey mate!" he greets. He's wearing a sweatshirt that is so obvoiusly Louis's, as it's a bit tight and the sleeves are a bit short, but somehow he still looks great.

"I like your sweatshirt" I say with a smirk. He chuckles and hides a blush while stepping aside to let me in. Louis is still passed out on the bed, so Harry shakes him lightly and says

"Lou, Luke's here. Remember he wanted to talk to us?" Louis's mumbles a "mmhmm" but eventually turns over and props himself up. Harry smiles and gives him a quick peck on the lips and a "morning sunshine." There are two beds in the room, but it's obvious only one has been slept in, so while Louis gets up and stretches on his tippy toes to give Harry a better kiss, I take a seat on the unused bed.   
  
"So Luke, what can we do for you?" Harry asks and they both sit down on their bed facing me.

"Um well... I guess I just need some advice.... Like when did you guys realize you had feelings for each other?" They look at each other and smile. Louis bumps Harry's shoulder with his own, signaling for him to go first.

"Well we'd seen each other around at X Factor bootcamp, and I could always hear Louis's voice, and there was just something about his laugh and the way he could make other people laugh that was just adorable." He pinched Louis's cheeks and Louis pretended to be mad at him. That's basically how I feel with Ashton, except with a lot more detail.

"And who admitted their feelings first?" I asked.

"I did" Louis says with a smile. 

"Didnt you feel like he would think you're... like gross or something? Like he would hate you and you'd never be friends anymore?"

"Yeah definitely, but I don't know it just kinda... happened. Luckily enough Harry was bi and liked me back, so all my worrying was for nothing." Great. Ashton's as straight as a ruler.   
  
"What's all this about?" Harry asked. I sighed. Should I tell them? 

"I- I'm kind of in love with someone. A boy." I admit.

"Oooooh!!!!" Louis squeals. Harry laughs at him but keeps his attention on me.

"Who's the lucky guy?" he asks. I sigh and lay down on the bed. Am I ready to do this?

"Ashton" I whisper and cover my face with my hands. I feel someone sit down on the bed beside me and take my hands off my face, and I open my eyes to see Louis's cheeky smile above me.

"What if he hates me Lou?" I whisper.

"He won't" he whispers back.

"But Ashton's obviously straight" I say a bit louder and Harry comes to sit on the other sit of me.

"Well, you can never be sure about that," Harry says. "I thought I was straight until I met Louis."

"But what if he thinks I'm gross and hates me? I want to be more than friends with him, but I can't stand the thought of not being friends with him at all." I sit up so I can see them better.

"Listen." Louis says and makes me look at him. "Imagine what it would be like if you told Calum or Michael that you were gay? They're your friends and bandmates! No matter what you do they'll still like you. So I doubt Ashton will hate you for being gay."

"But what if he thinks I'm weird because I like him?"

"He won't! He's your best friend, he won't hate you just fo having deeper feelings for him. Just when you're ready to tell him, choose the right moment, when you're alone and he can't be swayed by other people's emotions. Just be yourself and he won't be able to resist," Louis says with the same cheeky smile. I sigh before getting a text from none other than Ashton Irwin himself.   
  
From: Ashton Irwin   
Hey lukey! Where'd you go? Im worried!!  
  
I smile before hearing two "Awwww" 's and realizing Louis and Harry are looking over my shoulder at the text.   
"See? He cares enough about you to worry where you went," Harry points out. I chuckle before texting back.   
  
To: Ashton Irwin   
Yeah I'm fine!!! I left a note for Michael.....   
  
I hit send right before a twitter notification pops up, alerting me that Ashton mentioned me.   
  
 **@Ashton5sos:**    
@Luke5sos left me alone with a hyper Calum and a tired Michael.... :(   
  
He linked to a picture he took of himself with an adorable frowny face, and I can't help the large smile that takes over my face at his cuteness. Once again, I hear two "awwww" 's and turn to smile at them.

"Well I should probably get back to the hotel. Thanks for the help!!" I call and leave the room, but I overhear Harry whisper "Wouldn't they be so cute together?" to Louis as I leave. I smile to myself and head back to the hotel, tweeting Ashton along the way.  
  
 **@Luke5sos:**  
@Ashton5sos sorry about that!! Hopefully Calum didn't break anything?   
  
I take the elevator back to the room and hear someone yelling before I enter. I take a deep breath and open the door to see Michael playing on his phone on his bed and Calum standing on the couch laughing at a very wet Ashton below.

"What the-" I say, wondering how Ashton got drenched.

"Don't ask" Ashton says, infuriated. I make Calum get off the couch, but not before whispering "You made Ashton moist" with a smirk.

"I HEARD THAT!" Ashton yells from the bathroom but Calum and I keep laughing our heads off anyway.

"Idiots" Michael mutters before turning back to his phone, but I don't miss the small smirk he attempts to hide.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Luke's POV   
@Luke5sos:   
TWITCAM IN 10 MINUTES!!!!

I quickly hit tweet before rushing over to Michael's bed and shaking him awake.

"Mmmph what?" he mumbles.

"TWITCAM!" I scream, hoping it wakes up the other boys as well. I hop down from Michael's bunk to shake Calum and Ashton awake. They all slog out of bed and get food as I check my watch.

"Shit 3 minutes guys!!!" I grab my Apple computer (so that I have a reason to bicker with Ashton about PC's vs Macs) and try to set it up. Michael comes over and tries to help, but none of us really know how to do it.

"Wait, is it working?" I ask the camera, hoping people in the chat will say yes.

**Yeah I can see you :)**   
**I CAN SEE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL FACE ILY!!!!**   
**Yep**   
**OMG they actually weren't that late**   
**Awh Luke you look so cute in that beanie**

"Ashton! Calum! Come on it's working!" I yell to the front of the bus. The bus gets terrible wifi, but we're parked right next to a hotel with great wifi, so we just mooched their wifi.

"Hi guys!!" I say waving at the camera. I nudge Michael and tell him to say hello.

"Hey" he says tiredly. "It's only 9:00 am so don't expect me to be awake yet...." he says with a yawn. Calum comes and sits next to me in the space I was hoping to save for Ashton, but I guess I can't really do anything about it now.

"Hi guys" Calum greets, but not too energetically.

"I think I'm the only one awake...." I say. "I woke up around 8, I'm not sure why and then literally five minutes ago I went around and woke these boys." Actually that wasn't true. I knew exactly why I had woken up at 8:07 am and it may have had something to do with a dream- no a nightmare- about a certain blonde haired boy named Ashton Irwin. We all just kind of sit in silence for a few minutes, Calum and Michael eating cereal, me sipping my tea and tweeting about the twitcam, and Ashton finally coming over with his vegemite toast and sitting next to Michael.

"Someone keeps telling us to...." Calum leans closer to the computer screen to read the comment. "They want us to have the "ultimate 5sos competition." Like split into Malum and Lashton" my head pops up at the mention of Lashton "and we do a bunch of challenges with our teammate and see who's the ultimate team....."

"Sounds good!" I agree. Anything to do with Lashton, I'm in. Also, it just sounds like fun.

"What do you guys think? Should we do it?" Calum asks, both to us and to the fans. Immediately comments with varying versions of  **YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSS**  start coming in.

"I think it would be fun," I say and look to Ashton and Michael.

"Sure!" Ashton says, already somewhat hyper. 

"As long as one of the challenges has to do with eating, I'm in. Cuz we'll win," Michael answers and does a weird little fist bump with Calum.

"Sounds like we're doing it! What kind of challenges should we do?" I ask the people watching. Calum writes them down on his phone as they come in so we can look them up later.

~

I'm sitting in the back lounge on my laptop with Michael and Calum while they play a rather loud game of.... something I'm not really sure. I scroll through tweets and tumblr posts, looking at every picture of Ashton and I on the Internet.

"Hey guys, can I, um, talk to you for a second?" I hear a small voice ask from the doorway. I look up to see Ashton fidgeting and looking pretty nervous.

"Sure Ash," I close my computer and signal to Mike and Calum to pause their game. Ashton comes and sits next to me, close enough that I can feel his warmth when he sits.

"What's up?" Calum asks.

"Well, I was just wondering what kind of things you might do for a really special first date," and I swear he glanced at me.

"Did you meet someone?!?!?" Michael asks excitedly. He gets super happy whenever one of us even talks about a girl.

"Yeah," Ashton says blushing and smiling down at his hands.

"What's her name?" Michael pesters.

"Um..." he blushes again and I SWEAR he looked at me. "Her name is Emily." Oh. Um. Guess not.... Something catches in my throat. Oh no. Not here Luke. You can't cry here.

"Um, I have to um leave," I say and try to force the tears back. I rush out of the lounge and out of Gus Bus before finally allowing my tears to fall. I run across the parking lot to the One Direction bus and knock on the door, hoping Harry or Louis answers. But no, an Irish accent greets me and I try to choke out a "Is Louis or Harry here?" but it comes out more like a weird mumble mixed with tears. Niall helps me up the stairs and into the bus before sitting me down on the couch and letting me cry into his shoulder.

"Shhhhh it's okay" he comforts and rubs my back.

"He likes" I hiccup "someone else."

"Who likes someone else?" he asks and continues rubbing circles in my back.

"A-A-Ashton" I sob out quietly. I guess he might as well know. He's one of my best mates and he's confided in me before so I guess I can trust him.

"Who does he like?"

"Some girl named Emma or something."

"Hey Niall we're back! We bought some-" Harry says as he and Louis hop up the stairs into the bus. I raise my teary head for a second before letting out a massive sob and dropping my head back onto Niall's chest. Louis and Harry exchange a worried look before sitting down next to me, and Niall gets up and goes to the back to give us some privacy. I transfer my head to Louis's shoulder and manage to whisper through my sobs

"He likes someone else."

"Does Niall know?" Harry asks. I give a small nod and take my head off of Louis's shoulder, my sobs subsiding a bit.

"I'm sorry." Louis says. "I don't really know what to tell you...."

"Just never give up hope. You haven't told him how you feel about him yet right?" Harry asks, and I nod.

"So there's still hope. They probably won't work out anyway. I know Ashton is meant for you, no matter how long it takes, it will happen."

"Do you want to sleep here tonight?" Louis asks. "I could sleep in Harry's bunk and you could have mine." I give a sullen nod before they escort me to Louis's bunk, where I collapse and try to forget about the one and only Ashton Irwin. 


	5. Chapter 5

Luke's POV  
  
I wake up from a dreamless sleep, dried tears on my face. I quickly wipe them off and try to think about something other than last night so that I don't start crying again.

I check my phone to see about twenty texts from Calum, Michael and Ashton, but I ignore them. They probably all say the same thing anyway. 'Where did you go? We're worried!' Whatever. The clock on my phone says 9:28 am, otherwise known as too early to be awake, and yet my stomach still rumbles. Maybe I can slip into my bus to get some food..... I doubt any of the boys from either band will be awake yet. I sigh quietly and hop out of Louis's bunk. Harry's curtain is open and I catch a glimpse of Louis cuddling into Harry's chest. I smile a bit and hop down the steps of the bus to the pavement below. I quickly scroll through my texts as I walk reluctantly back to Gus Bus.   
  
From: Michael Clifford  
Mate where are you?!?!? Are you okay?!?!  
  
From: Ashton Irwin   
lukey where'd you go!!!! Come back!   
  
From: Calum Hood  
C'mon luke come back to the bus!!! We're getting worried!!!   
  
I stick my phone in my pocket and try to enter the bus as quietly as possible, and seeing nobody awake, grab some cereal. I sit at the table eating my Captain Crunch, scrolling through my twitter feed, until suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey mate where'd you go?" Calum whispered and sat down across from me.

"Uh- I spent the night on One Direction's bus" I admit, trying to act as if that's what he was talking about.

"No, I mean why'd you run off?"

"Um..." I mutter. "Liam texted me and asked me to come over....."

"Oh" he says and it's obvious he knows something else is up, but lets it go when I give him a small shake of my head.

"So, are we gonna start the 'Ultimate 5sos Competition' today?" I ask, trying to change the subject. It works, and he starts describing the different challenges we could do first, when Michael and *sigh* Ashton enter the front lounge groggily.

"Hey where'd you go last night?" Ashton mumbles and looks at me.

"Liam texted me to come over..." I try not to stare at his beautiful eyes while still using my excuse.

"So I was thinking we should try the Chicken Nugget Challenge first." Calum suggests and explains it to us.

"Sure! Sounds like fun!" Ashton says and skips over to me. "We're gonna win, right Lukey?"

I can't help it lanymore, I look up at him through my eyelashes and say with a smile " 'Course Ash."   
  
~

Once we stop at a hotel, we set up the camera in Michael and Calum's room and start the comeptition. 

"Hey guys! So today marks the beginning of a new thing that a fan suggested, the Ultimate 5sos Competition." Calum explains to the camera.

"Every day we're gonna make a video of a challenge that we do, Lashton vs. Malum, and whoever wins the most challenges wins!!" Ashton says. 

"What do they win?" I ask. 

"Ummmmm..... Shit we didn't think of that" Michael realizes.

"We'll figure it out later!" Calum decides and we get on with the challenge.

"So here we have some chicken nuggets...." I gesture to the chicken on the table in front of each team. "Each team has 120 chicken nuggets and many different choices of sauces" I point to the small containers to the side of the chicken nugget boxes. "Whichever team can eat more nuggets in 20 minutes wins!"

"Um, yeah! I think we're ready!" Ashton declares and looks at me for approval. I nod and Calum and Michael do a quick high five/fist bump thing. I set a timer on my phone for 20 minutes and Michael starts the countdown.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO!"

Ashton and I decided our strategy would be to pace ourselves and not to fill up too quickly, so we both start off at a steady pace. Michael and Calum, on the other hand, are wolfing them down like they haven't eaten for weeks.

"1 minute left" I say after what seems like hours of eating nothing but chicken wings, while sticking more chicken into my mouth. I only have three pieces left, Ashton has a few more than me, Calum has a large pile, and Michael is on his last one.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, times up!!!" Michael yells as Ashton and I both scarf down our last chicken nugget.

"We won!" I try to say enthusiastically, but I'm too full to move or give Ashton a high five.

"Ugh I feel like I'm gonna vomit" Calum groans and heads to the bathroom, Michael right behind him to make sure he's okay.

"Can we just film the end bit later? I'm too full to think about anything." Ashton says and I look over him and nod. There's a small amount of sauce on the corner of his lip, and I bite my lip to fight the urge to kiss him.

"Hey, Luke? You okay with that?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah sure" I stammer while still staring at his lips. They just look so soft and sweet...... My eyes focus on his lips until suddenly my lips are just inches from his. I can feel his breath on my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. He starts to say something and without meaning to my lips are suddenly crashed onto his. They're sweet, sweeter than I expected, and I just keep kissing him until my eyes flutter open with shock, realizing what I was doing. I pull away quickly and try not to stare too hard at his lips. Mine were just on his. I just kissed my best friend. Shit. 

"Oh I um..." I stammer. "You had some, um, sauce on your face" I mumble and stand up from the table, causing the chair to fall over and hit the floor with a bang.

"S-sorry" I murmur hastily as I stumble as fast as I possibly can out of the room, ignoring the "wait Luke!" as I sprint across the hall to the room I'm unfortunately sharing with Ashton. I shut the door and lock it, then lean up against it, back to the wall.

"You're an idiot" I whisper and slide down slowly until I hit the floor. I close my eyes and think of his warm, soft lips. But wait, he didnt push me away immediately. That's good right? Ugh, c'mon Luke, you're just making up excuses. Ashton Irwin would never fall for a guy like you. You're like brothers. And he's already got a girl......

"DAMMIT!" I scream and hit the wall with my fist, hoping the walls are as thick as they look. I bring a pillow to my face and allow the tears to fall for a long, long time.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Ashton's POV

What just happened... 

Luke just.... no. Wait what? 

He... kissed me. 

I touch my lips, the place where Luke's had been. His were... soft. Soft compared to my rough, chapped lips, and... nice. But I'm not gay... Am I? And yet, I liked that, more than I've ever liked a kiss before. Suddenly I'm yearning for his lips on mine again.  

My mind races as Calum and Michael return from the bathroom.

God this is so confusing.

“Hey mate, you okay? You look kinda pale,” Calum comments as he takes a seat next to me, and Michael on my other side. “Where’d Luke go?"

“Y-yeah I’m f-fine,” I stammer. “Uh, I’m gonna go… um take a walk.”

I stand up quickly and rush out, leaving Calum and Michael sitting alone and confused.

Where should I go? I can’t go back to my room, Luke’s there, and I sure as hell can’t face him right now. 

The park? 

No, there’s too many people there…

I finally just stop at a bench outside a little cafe and sit down, resting my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. 

I’ve never considered being gay before, but that kiss… Maybe I’m bi? Ugh I hate this.

I feel like my body and soul are keeping a secret from my brain, that secret being my sexuality, and I just want to know what I am. I’ve always envied people who are so sure of who they are and what they want, but I’ve never been like that. I  _try_ to be stuff,  _try_ to have everything in my life figured out, but really I’m just a lost little boy without a clue what he’s doing. 

When I left the hotel, the sun was just setting. Now I suddenly noticed the darkness surrounding me, only penetrated by one lamp post a little ways off. I glance at my phone. 10:14 pm. I sigh, standing up. The boys are probably worried about me, seeing as I just ran off. I trudge my way back to the hotel, pulling my jacket a bit tighter around me.

This walk didn’t really clear anything up for me about my sexuality, and everything is still so confusing for me, but at least I know I liked that kiss, so I guess I can go from there. 

I finally make my way back to the hotel, after having to ask a shifty homeless man (who was definitely smoking something illegal) for directions. I take the elevator up and consider asking Calum if I could stay in his and Michael’s room, but no. I have to face this head on, whether I like this or not. 

As I walk up to Luke and I’s room, I pray that Luke is already asleep so I don’t have to talk to him. Wow I sound horrible. 

I slowly open the door and peek in to see all the lights off and a lump in one of the beds. Creeping in slowly, I carefully take off my jacket and leave it by the door along with my shoes. I cautiously walk over to my bed, strip down to my boxers, and slide under the covers. I murmur a small “Goodnight Lukey” before drifting off to sleep, and it may have been a dream, but I swear I hear a whispered “Night Ashy. Love you” come from the other bed. 

I hope tomorrow’s not as awkward as I think it will be. 

 

Luke’s POV

I wake up in the morning, my head pounding from all the tears I cried last night. The brightness of the morning isn’t helping either, but as I glance over to Ashton’s bed my breath hitches. The warm sunlight of 10 in the morning lights up his jawline and cheekbones perfectly, seemingly causing him to glow a bit and making him look like an angel. Quickly I tear my eyes from his face when I realize I’ve been staring at the boy I definitely should not have kissed yesterday. 

I stand up and stretch, putting my clothes on and brushing my teeth, hoping I can make it downstairs for breakfast before Ashton wakes up and things become awkward. I’m hoping he isn’t mad at me, but seeing as he actually slept in the same room as me and said goodnight probably means he’s not completely pissed... right? 

I check my phone and see a text from Michael saying that he and Calum are downstairs eating breakfast, so I take the elevator and enter the restaurant. I scan the room and spot the two Aussie boys sleepily eating sausages in the corner. 

“Hey Luke!” Calum greets and they both smile at me. I take a deep breath and put on the happy-everything is fine-Luke face. 

“Hey guys” I say and steal some food off their plates, hoping they won’t ask anything about yesterday. Thankfully they just continue discussing the pros and cons of McDonalds until "hey Luke where’s Ash? He kind of ran off yesterday and I haven’t seen him since.”

“He’s still sleeping” I respond to Michael’s first comment and hope he doesn’t question the other part. 

“Well do you know where he went? He said he was gonna take a walk but then never came back.”

“Uh yeah he came back around 10 and went to sleep,” I say while stealing Michael’s eggs. “He was fine don’t worry.” 

Michael finally drops it and turns back to Calum to start yet another conversation about fast food restaurants. I pull out my phone and start going through tweets, responding and favoriting and retweeting, until someone sits down at the only empty seat left, across from me. I keep my head down, knowing its Ashton but hoping he either forgets about the kiss or just won’t bring it up. I don’t think I can face that amount of rejection, especially from my best friend. 

“Hey Ash” Calum says. 

“Hey” Ashton says, and  _oh god_ his morning voice is sexy. I keep my head down as Ashton starts to eat, avoiding conversation and just trying not to look at  _him._ Finally all the boys are done eating, and we head back up to Michael and Calum’s hotel room to film the next challenge. 

Why oh why couldn't I have been paired with Calum or Michael.


	7. Chapter 7

Luke's POV  
Being gay is a new thing to me. Well, admitting it to myself is new. I was never homophobic or anything, and my parents always supported my cousin who was lesbian. But still, supporting someone who is gay and being gay yourself is really different. Honestly, it's terrifying. I'm not even sure I'm completely gay either, because I'm still attracted to some women. But that kiss with Ashton......   
I've tried avoiding him, but that's almost impossible in a band where you're together every minute and living out of each other's suitcases. I push the feeling of his lips on mine to the back of my head and try to go on with life. A few months go by avoiding Ashton, and if the other boys notice they don't say anything. In theory avoiding him isn't a problem, just don't end up in a room with him alone and try not to sit next to him as much as possible. But when it actually happens, it kills me. He's my best friend in the band, and I'm used to constant cuddles and talking every day. Stupid feelings.   
Ashton hasn't said anything more about 'Emily,' except that 'I used to text her a lot but then something happened and we don't text very much anymore.' Which I guess I'm grateful for. If Ashton has to like someone other than me, I'm glad that he doesn't get to talk to her very much.   
After three months of not talking, looking, or sitting next to Ashton, I'm miserable. I keep telling myself it's for the best, that we're both better off this way. And I keep thinking that until one day in the hotel in Paris. I'm sitting in my room watching Orange Is The New Black on my laptop, when I hear a knock on the door. I jump up, figuring its Michael, because he was planning on coming over to play Xbox. The knocking comes again while I'm hopping into a pair of joggers, just in case it's housekeeping or something. They probably wouldn't appreciate a teenage boy coming to the door in just boxers.   
"Coming!" I yell when the person at the door again, getting my joggers on and opening the door.   
"Hey Mi-" I stop short when I realize who's at the door.  
"Ah, hi Luke."  
I stutter out a "hello" and just stand there staring at Ashton. He's fucking beautiful, of course. What with the whole don't-look-at-Ashton-whatever-you-do thing, I've barely seen his face in three months. He's grown a bit of stubble (oh god that hot), his hair is longer, and his fingers are twiddling with a shirt full of holes.  
Is he trying to kill me or something?  
"Um, so can I talk to you for a minute?"  
All I can do is nod shakily and step back a few steps to let him in. When did I become so shy around him? He's my best friend for gods sake.   
I turn to see Ashton standing awkwardly in the middle of my room, not sure if he should sit. I gesture to the bed that I didn't sleep in last night, and he sits down, seeming relieved. I sit with my legs crossed on the other bed, staring into my lap and waiting for him to say something.   
"Um, so I was just gonna say that I miss you. Like even after, um, the... thing that happened a few months ago, I wanted to tell you that I-"  
"Just want to be friends." It feels better coming from my mouth than I know it would from his. "Yeah that's what I want too."   
"Well actually I-"   
"No, it's fine Ash. I just want to go back to being friends, okay?" I stare at him, eyes pleading not to make this harder than it needs to be.   
"Um, okay, yeah sure. Friends?" He doesn't seem very sure. He was probably coming to tell me we can never talk again. Maybe I actually did something good here.   
"Yeah, friends." I give him a small smile, which he returns. He stands up and heads to the door, but hesitates in the doorway.   
"Luke I just....." he starts to say and then trails off. "Um, never mind."   
He walks out the door and closes it softly behind him. I collapse onto my bed, letting out a long sigh. After a few minutes I text Michael to tell him I don't feel up to Xbox anymore and curl up up my bed.   
Why did he seem so unsure of the 'let's just be friends' thing? Isn't that what he came to talk to me about?


End file.
